Infidelity Therapy + Affair Recovery| Online Couples Therapy in California & Oregon
You're in one of the hardest places a relationship can go. You don't have to navigate it alone.
Maybe you just found out. Maybe it's been months and you're still not sleeping. Maybe you're the one who cheated and you're watching your partner suffer and don't know how to help. Maybe you've been trying to heal on your own and finding that time, alone, isn't enough.
Infidelity is one of the most painful and disorienting experiences a couple can face. It shakes the foundation of everything — trust, identity, the future you thought you were building together. And yet, with the right support, many couples not only survive an affair — they build something more honest, more connected, and more resilient than what they had before.
I specialize in affair recovery and infidelity therapy for couples and individuals online throughout California and Oregon. This is some of the most demanding therapeutic work there is — and it's work I have specialized training in.
What You Might Be Feeling Right Now
If you're the betrayed partner:
Shock, rage, grief — sometimes all at once
An urgent need to know everything, and also a fear of what you might find out
A shattered sense of reality — how could I not have known?
Mistrust not just of your partner, but of your own judgment
Loneliness — not knowing who it's safe to talk to
Uncertainty about whether to stay or go
If you're the straying partner:
Guilt, shame, and a desperate wish to make things better
Fear of losing your partner, your family, the life you've built
Defensiveness that you know isn't helping, but can't seem to stop
A sense that you don't fully understand why you did what you did
Uncertainty about how to show up for your partner's pain
Both of you are hurting. Both of you deserve support. And both of you have real work to do — different work, but equally important — if this relationship is going to heal.
Can a Relationship Survive an Affair?
Often, yes. Through committed effort from both partners in focused couples therapy, couples often come out stronger on the other side.
Healing from infidelity requires honesty, accountability, and a willingness from both partners to grow in ways they haven't had to before. It also requires understanding that the relationship you had before the affair no longer exists. The question isn't how to get back to where you were — it's whether you want to build something new, together.
I'll say this clearly: infidelity is 100% the responsibility of the person who chose to cheat. At the same time, relationships where affairs occur often already had vulnerabilities — patterns of avoidance or hostility, unspoken resentment, difficulty functioning as a genuine team of equals. Healing well means both partners honestly examining those dynamics, not to assign blame, but to build something genuinely different.
For a detailed description of the phases and steps of infidelity recovery, check out my blog article.
How I Work with Affair Recovery
My approach to infidelity therapy draws on several evidence-based models that I've found particularly powerful for this work:
The Developmental Model provides a clear clinical roadmap for each stage of healing — what each partner needs, what the therapist's role is at each phase, and how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep couples stuck.
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin, works with how two nervous systems function together in real time — helping couples stay regulated enough to actually hear each other during some of the hardest conversations they'll ever have. Supports couples in learning how to be on each other’s team and be secure-functioning
ISTDP-Informed Couples Therapy helps access and process the deeper emotional material — the grief, fear, and longing — that often drives surface-level conflict and avoidance.
My role in affair recovery is not neutral. I hold both partners accountable — to honesty, to the work, and to building something genuinely good for both of them. I'm trained to track what's happening between you in the room in real time, and to intervene when patterns emerge that are getting in the way of repair.
What Makes Affair Recovery Therapy Different from Regular Couples Therapy
Affair recovery is a specific clinical process — not just couples therapy with a bigger presenting problem. It requires a therapist who:
Understands the stages of betrayal trauma and what each partner needs at each phase
Can hold both partners equally with compassion and curiosity
Knows how to manage the intensity of disclosure conversations without causing further damage
Can help the straying partner do genuine accountability work without collapsing into shame or getting defensive
Can help the betrayed partner move from crisis toward agency, empowerment and clarity about a path forward
This Work Is For You If...
You've discovered a partner's affair — recent or long-term — and need help navigating the immediate aftermath
You're the straying partner and want to genuinely understand what you did and become someone different
You've been living with unresolved infidelity for months or years and feel stuck
You're not sure whether to stay or go, and want support making a real decision rather than one driven by fear or exhaustion
You've tried to heal on your own and keep cycling back to the same pain
You want to rebuild — and you want to do it properly, not just paper over the wound
I'm sex-positive, LGBTQ+ and kink-affirming and welcome all relationship structures, including ethically non-monogamous partnerships and couples navigating infidelity in the context of open or polyamorous relationships.
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a relationship can survive and one of the most transformative, when approached with real honesty and skilled support. The couples most likely to heal aren't the ones with the least damage. They're the ones where both partners are willing to be honest with each other, and with themselves.
Jen Joseph, LMFT, CST, C-PSB is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Discernment Counselor, and Problematic Sexual Behavior Certified therapist, trained in PACT couples therapy, ISTDP-informed Couples Therapy and the Developmental Model of infidelity recovery. She practices online with individuals and couples throughout California and Oregon.
